So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
