I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
