You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
