Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
are you so shy because you have an std?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
