I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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