Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I came so hard my ears popped.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
