he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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