Have you finally orgasmed yet?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
