i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
