Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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