Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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