Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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