this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
