I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
