I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
