When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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