Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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