Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wear drunk well.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
