The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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