do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
