im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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