You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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