FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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