Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
