I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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