dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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