Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Lo siento on account of my penis...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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