Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
