:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize