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I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
