Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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