quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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