glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
it's like heaven, but drunker
We are two peas in an std pod
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
