My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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