His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
either way he was missing a nipple.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
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today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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