he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
