i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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