is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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