just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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