i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I will be naked everywhere
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
