hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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