For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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