Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
