I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
