Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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