Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
