haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
