1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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