Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You can't motorboat a personality
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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