i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
