No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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