I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
