it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
