i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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