now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
