so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
