I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I had to cum in my sink.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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