dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
