on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
