Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
