I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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