I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
