I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
