And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
