ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
