I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
