Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
