White coat. Heels.
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
