I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
