its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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