we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
