It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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