He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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