Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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